


Are you sleeping with our dad?

by Youregonnahatemebaby



Category: Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man
Genre: Established Relationship, Father Figure, Father-Son Relationship, First time gay relationship, M/M, Rare Fandoms, The twins are not just book smart but also socially smart, They also just want a dad who isn't stupid and annoying af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28069890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youregonnahatemebaby/pseuds/Youregonnahatemebaby
Summary: The twins ask Cornfed some tough questions
Relationships: Duckman/Cornfed





	Are you sleeping with our dad?

**Author's Note:**

> Smh can't believe theres basically no fanfictions for this show here or anywhere. I only found like, 1 on tumblr from years ago and otherwise there's no others. But yeah, Duckman/Cornfed. You could imagine them as they are in the show or as human vers. @sopainstantea and @_piss.guy_ on Instagram have very cute art of them as humans. Either way, enjoy

Cornfed was currently lounging on the couch of the Duckman home. Charles and Mambo sat next to him on the couch as they watched tv and ate their dinner. Cornfed had allowed them to eat at the couch instead of the table tonight, as long as they didn't tell Bernice. He had to stay true to his image as the responsible uncle, even when he maybe wasn't. He had been asked to babysit the twins that night since Bernice and Duckman were taking Ajax to a school event.  
So, him and the kids were currently watching some stupid comedy show about roommates who got into crazy situations. Cornfed was barley paying attention when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He took it out to look at the text lighting up his phone screen. It was from Duckman and read,

"Miss that hog haha wink wink ;)"

Cornfed felt his face heat up slightly at the suggestive text. His idiot boyfriend was often so inappropriate. He even had the gull to sext him while Cornfed was watching his kids and Duckman was at his son's school event. He'd seen his strong sex drive in action before, but now that they were dating, that strong libido was now very much aimed at him. Almost 24/7.  
"Watcha looking at Uncle Cornfed?" Charles interrupted him from his thoughts to question. His head turned to face Charles and Mambo, who had finished their dinners and were now both starring at him expectantly.  
"Oh, uh nothing," he responded after clearing his throat in embarrassment and turning off his phone.  
"Really?" Mambo asked and raised an eyebrow in obvious doubt.  
"It's nothing you two boys should worry about," Cornfed said and almost immediately got another notification. The boys looked at him in suspicion.  
"We're gonna be forward with you," Charles said, and he and Mambo moved to put aside their plates on the side table.  
"Are you fucking our dad?" Mambo asked and if Cornfed was drinking something he would've done a spittake.  
"E-e-xcuse me?!" Cornfed coughed and sputtered in complete suprise.  
"Ya know, doing the old hanky panky, burying the hog," Mambo said before Charles cut in, "Giving him the corndog, wetting the wistle, dipping the breadstick in-"  
"Boys! That is highly inappropriate," Cornfed attempted to scold but the twins didn't seem to care.  
"The point is, are you?" Charles questioned and the boys impatiently crossed their arms. Cornfed seemed to sweat bullets as he felt like he was sudeenly being interrogated by the two teens.  
"Uh, well ah- you see," Cornfed said in attempt to spit out any sort of half witted response.  
"SO YOU ARE!" Mambo and Charles both yelled in unison.  
"I never said that-" Cornfed tried to interject but it was no use.  
"But you never said no, and anyone who wasn't sleeping with dad would immediately deny it if they had any sense of self worth," Mambo pointed out.  
"Well, uh we don't, uh," Cornfed said and raised a hand to awkwardly scratch at the back of his head. Him and Duckman hadn't really talked about how or when they were gonna break it to the family but he knew Duckman wasn't very keen on telling them. Or anyone for that matter. It was Duckman's first gay relationship and hopefully long term one since Beatrice, so it was best to handle things with care.  
"I don't know how you boys deduced it but, well, you're right," Cornfed awkwardly confessed after a few moments of silence, "We are involved romantically and, ahem, in the bedroom aswell."  
"I hope you don't think any less of me or your father," he sighed.  
"Honestly, Uncle Cornfed," Charles started and he began to dread what the twins would say, "You could do so much better."  
"W-what? You don't think we're pansy's or something?," Cornfed asked.  
"Of course not! Sexuality has many ranges and hating someone just because of who they're attracted to is moronic," Mambo said with a shake of the head.  
"But the question is, why be attracted to our dad of all people!" Charles said, totally unable to wrap his mind around the concept.  
"Its complicated boys, I don't really understand it either but I just know we both like eachother," Cornfed explained.  
"So, are you like, our second dad now," Mambo asked, excitement clear in his tone.  
"Uh, I guess," Cornfed shrugged and the twins cheered happily. The thought of an actually responsible male role model in their lives making them positively ecstatic.  
"What'll we call you," Mambo said.  
"Pop? Pa?" Mambo said and Charles decided to pipe in, "Father? Pappy? Old man?"  
"Hold on now, slow your roll, let's just stick with Cornfed for now," The detective suggested.  
"Ah, alright, but ya know when Ajax finds out he's probably going to want to call you mom or something," Charles pointed out.  
"Let's just keep this between us for now," Cornfed said and the boys nodded in agreement.  
"So, I gotta know," Mambo said after a few seconds of silence that were only accompanied by the sound of the TV, "Who's the bottom?"  
"Mambo!" Cornfed said in what would've been a yell if it weren't for his monotone voice.  
"I bet it's dad," Charles chuckled as the boys completely ignored Cornfed in favor of speculating about their Father.  
"Yeah, probably," Mambo agreed and Cornfed almost hated that they were right.


End file.
